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Cabin Fever
by Robin Thompson

In 2002 we were introduced to Eli Roth and his quirky body horror opus entitled Cabin Fever. Filled with gore, terror, and irreverent humor, no one was really sure what to make of the film. I remember asking myself questions like “Did that old man just drop the N-word?” “Why is that kid yelling pancakes?” “Am I really watching Shawn Hunter from Boy Meets World finger bang a girl? Wait. Oh my god!” It was less of a viewing, and more like an experience.

This year, Cabin Fever got a remake. I shouldn't have been surprised considering that horror has had its share of reboots, remixes, and re-imaginings recently, but I was kind of in shock considering there's only been fourteen years between the two. Is that really enough time to reboot a movie?

Then I remembered Spider-Man and I stopped questioning it.

When I read that director Travis Zariwny was using the exact same script as the original I became very worried. Shot for shot remakes are never a good idea. A prime example being Gus Van Sant's Psycho remake. Then I read that everything would be the same but that they were rewriting the deaths. Oh really? Color me intrigued. You have my attention Mr. Zariwny.

Five minutes in, Mr. Zariwny, you lost it. If you are using the exact script I would think you would try to at least find some actors with talent on par with the original. When you meet the locals in the original they were accommodating and friendly. In the remake, they are hostile and full of distrust. The main five in the original were likable despite being very flawed. In the remake, they were bland with no distinguishing characteristics. They were so bland that it didn't even feel like the characters liked each other.

The biggest change was Deputy Winston. He was played by Giuseppe Andrews in 2002's version, hands down, my favorite person in the whole film. He was smarmy, hilarious, and ready to party! 2016's Deputy Winston was a blonde girl with a weird scar that is never explained. She tried to deliver the same lines, just like Giuseppe Andrews did, but they fell flat and made me uncomfortable.

The Cabin Fever remake tried hard to replicate what Eli Roth gave us in 2002; the dialogue was the same, but the delivery was just sad. It lacked the heart and the humor of the original film. This has to be the most pointless remake I have ever seen in my life. My advice is to make some pancakes and watch the original, just don't sit next to Dennis.

Robin Thompson, HMS

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