The Horror Show
Babysitter Massacre
by Henrique Couto
There is technically only one quality that movies need: they have to be fun. Entertainment is the key, right? Has anyone ever sat through a movie and genuinely thought, “Well that was boring as hell, but it was still a good movie”? Horror films, in my humble opinion, are especially fun. And horror films, more than any other genre, should always be a thrill ride no matter what. There are some seriously brilliant horror flicks out there. Movies that make you think, that are acted superbly, and directed with subtle meaning. But there are also the horror flicks that lack these qualities but, in the end, wind up being entertaining as all get-out anyway.
Babysitter Massacre is not an original film. It isn't a new concept, nor does it do anything especially original. But I'd be lying if I didn't say that, after all is said and done, I didn't watch this movie at least four times and thoroughly enjoyed just about every minute of it.
The story is pretty basic slasher-fair. The film centers around a group of young women who were once close friends that were part of a babysitter's club. Some of them are still friends, but for the most part they've seemed to split off. One Halloween when they were young, one of the friends was kidnapped by a man in a mask and was never seen again. It was a traumatic experience that has affected each woman differently. The film shifts character focus towards the end but, at first, we are primarily concerned with Angela (Erin R. Ryan). She misses her friend and still checks in with the victim girl's father (Geoff Burkman), who spends his days sitting on the porch, talking of his lost child.
Angela is the only other one of the girls who still associates with Bianca (Marylee Osborne). Bianca is the babysitter friend who, as a child, witnessed the kidnapping in question and most of the others blame her for doing nothing to stop it from happening.
As all of this is being set up, a killer wearing the same mask from the girls’ childhood is killing off members of the group one by one and texting pictures of their “work” to Angela. Since this all takes place on Halloween, she and the other girls just think that the blood and gore decorating their friends in the photos are part of their Halloween costumes. Angela throws a party, unaware that her invited guests are ending up with a slice job.
The movie is primarily split into two major subplots that occasionally intersect. One mainly deals with Angela's party and the other deals with Bianca, who starts seeing the masked man who haunts her memories. Both go back and forth fairly consistently amongst the murders of the former babysitter's club members. The kills are frequent and often odd enough to keep you interested and there is some emotional spice sprinkled here and there, especially later on.
I should state straight away that “Babysitter Massacre” is not a “good” movie in the classic sense. The dialogue is often cheesy to the tenth degree, some of the acting is awkward (although Burkman gives a relatively strong performance) and the story takes some legitimately stupid turns. I've seen some truly “great” slasher movies in my day. (I found “Hatchet” to be an impressively well written/acted/filmed movie, same with many other films of the slasher variety.) Films such as “Gutterballs” and “Father's Day” play with the genre intelligently and cleverly. This film does not go that route. Am I saying that I feel it's a worthless, terrible failure? Nothing could be further from the truth. The reality is, the film is a blast. The corny dialogue and setups seem, for the most part, tongue-in-cheek and the film simply doesn't take itself too seriously.
It also, despite the choppy acting, manages to hit some emotional notes. Nothing too commendable, but it accomplishes something in that department. The Bianca character, despite being performed on the same level of acting as the rest, is somehow still very likable and I was interested in seeing the story turn in her favor. The scenarios play out in ways that become quite silly, but they are very entertaining to watch. The girls’ chemistry isn't exactly “Stand By Me” quality, but their interactions keep things light and moving.
I never found myself bored throughout the entirety of the viewing experience and I appreciate that immensely. Honestly, I think the film would have been quite dull if it were taken up a notch in quality. Otherwise it would have been a rehashed story with an overall wooden feel. But instead, it's got personality. The whole film is kind of like the snaggle-tooth that just makes you love someone even more. It's perfectly imperfect. It never comes across as insincere and everyone involved seems to be interested in the project. That's more than I can say for one or two of the “Best Picture” winners from the past few years.
Is it a great film? No. Is it something that I would tell people they have to see because I expect them to tell me how mind-blowing and awesome it was afterward? No. Am I saying it's bad? Not one bit. The primary focus of any movie should be entertainment. That's the medium, that's what movies are about. Sure, it's best when a movie can be fun and also be a masterpiece, but until I find the next bottle of lightning, this kind of film gives me a lot of enjoyment. That's more than I can say about “Titanic” or “Lincoln.” I'll take a bunch of stupid fun over Oscar bait with no heart any day of the week.
PJ Griffin, HMS
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