The Horror Show
Bloodwood Cannibals
by Joshua A. Siegel
Cannibals, in film at least, don't get the credit they deserve. Their more popular brother, zombies, have gotten a lot of attention recently. I love zombies, so I can't complain about that too much, but I've always been especially partial to cannibal cinema. Sometimes we're talking about tribes deep in the forest, such as in Cannibal Holocaust. Other times, we're dealing with a cannibal outbreak that reaches modern society, such as with Cannibal Apocalypse . I saw Bloodwood Cannibals mainly because of the title and the concept sounded interesting. In short, it didn't have anything that I love about Cannibal movies, but still was fun to watch.
Bloodwood Cannibals follows the crew of a paranormal-based investigative show called Hunting The Unknown. The group is in the Pacific Northwest working on an episode about perhaps the most famous cryptid, Bigfoot. The crew is led by Nigel (Nathan Anthony Carter) who is the classic British documentary narrator type. I'm always weary to poke fun at an unknown actor's fake accent, just in case it turns out that they are using their real voice and I look like an idiot. But Nigel definitely comes across as a hokey, tongue-in-cheek type of cliché.
While stalking around the forest looking for Sasquatch, they instead come by something real. A young woman is crawling around a nearby creek. She behaves like a wild animal and even takes a bite out of the guide who keeps a watchful eye on the crew. After getting her to a hospital they find that she was recently pregnant. The crew returns to the woods to find the father and see if there are any other wild people in the area.
The film essentially takes elements from a bunch of other movies. The cannibals in the film aren't really straight-up cannibals in the sense of a Cannibal Holocaust or Cannibal Ferox. They, similar to Cannibal Apocalypse, are infected. But they are also animal-like people that, in many ways, mirror a non-deformed version of the Wrong Turn villains. The basic slasher elements are here. The crew is made up of the tough guy, the stupid guy, the stoner etc. To the film's credit, the characters don't end up going the direction that you would expect, but it seems less like a genuine choice and more that the film didn't really know what to do with them.
The violence is so terrible that it has to be done half-seriously. It gravitates between bloodless cutaways and gore that doesn't even try to look real. It can be quite amusing, which leads me to believe that the cheesiness was all done on purpose. I don't believe that the actors are purposely acting bad or anything and they're not all bad, but certain elements to the film itself have to be done just for the fun of its own stupidity.
The action sequences are horribly choreographed. This is especially ridiculous when it is revealed that one character was a Ranger in the military. He goes full-Schwarzenegger (Predator style) at one point, but fights like he's never had someone so much as glare at him menacingly. This also mirrors Henry Rollin's character in Wrong Turn 2. The difference is, I totally buy that Rollins could take on a bunch of savage freaks, not so much this guy.
To its credit, the film never felt boring and that's the biggest hurdle. Sure, it's not good. It's not something I would go out of my way to recommend to someone, but it didn't feel like a complete waste either. There are a few humorous moments that strike the right chord and the interactions between the characters is at least entertaining. Despite having “Cannibal” in the title, it's not a film that can really be grouped into any real sub-genre. It combines the cannibal concept with some Hills Have Eyes thrown in for good measure. It doesn't match the awesomeness of any of these things, but represents them anyway.
All in all, Bloodwood Cannibals is a mixed bag for me. I didn't hate it, but it wasn't quite cheesy-gold either. I don't see myself having the same affectation for this that I do with a Babysitter Massacre or Slashers . I'm pretty sure it's corny on purpose, but never is enough fun to stand on that element alone.
I don't really know what the motivation behind making this film was. It references a lot of sub-genres but never really seems to have any kind of loving tribute to any of them. The core story isn't really fleshed out at all and isn't strong enough to keep the film overly engaging. I've seen better, I've seen worse. In the end, it wasn't boring. But it wasn't memorable, either.
P.J. Griffin, HMS
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