The Horror Show
Poltergeist
by Gil Kenan
My initial thoughts on the new Poltergeist were that I would never watch it, nope, not happening. And to be completely honest, I should have gone with my gut on this one. The original movie will always be a classic and is still a stand-out film, so with that knowledge, I should have let this remake slip through the cracks and into obscurity. But no, I just had to watch it.
Not only is the new Poltergeist not entertaining, it brings nothing new to the franchise. It just takes storylines and stock characters and recycles them. My one glimmer of hope in this film was Sam Rockwell, but even he disappointed in his role of father figure, Eric. In almost every other film I’ve seen with Rockwell, his performance is satisfying and I’m reminded why he’s such a fantastic actor. But in Poltergeist I was only reminded that Rockwell can pull off the goofy guy role. Aside from being funny and awkward, his character had little to no emotional response to the horrible things that were happening to his family.
Speaking of family… that brings me to the next issue I had with the characters making up the Bowen family. Child actors are always hit or miss for me. They’re either superb in what they do or they’re so annoying that the question “why the hell am I watching this” runs through my mind the whole time I’m watching the movie. Unfortunately for Kyle Catlett, he made me more annoyed than anything and I found myself hoping the spirits would bring back the little girl and take him instead so I didn’t have to see him on screen anymore. It’s at this point in my review that I’ll choose to not waste any time discussing how the mother of the family was basically nothing more than an empty shell. However, the paranormal investigators do bring a bit of flair to a dull film.
But enough about the characters, the film itself is simply lackluster with only one redeeming moment that made me laugh… and that had something to do with a squirrel (face palm). Poltergeist is not only slow to start, but when you finally get to the meat and potatoes, the main course is just as disappointing as the appetizer. The jump scares are cheap and corny, and the CGI is just downright terrible. The accidental comedic moments do provide some entertainment, however, this is supposed to be a horror movie, folks. Or at least I think it’s supposed to pass for a horror film…
So, all you need to know is that 2015’s Poltergeist lacks anything new or fun. I mean, I’ve definitely seen worse but this does not go on my “Best of 2015” list. (Or my “best of anything” list for that matter.) This film should have never been remade, at least not in the form of this joke masquerading as a horror film.
My recommendation is that you save yourself some time and watch the original. You’ll get far more entertainment out of it, not to mention the original film has Tangina! If you don’t know who that is, well my friends, you just don’t know what you’re missing.
Stevie Kopas, HMS
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