The Horror Show
#Screamers
by Dean Matthew Ronalds
I am not going to even beat around the bush here, #Screamers has to be in my top five worst movies that I have ever seen. It's so bad I am having a difficult time reviewing it, but here it goes.
#Screamers is a found footage train wreck. This movie spends its first hour as a vlog touring the offices of Gigler, a supposed video hosting site. This site is like YouTube but full of people who have never actually been online. As the title suggests, it starts with a screamer.
A screamer is an innocent looking video that has a jump scare in it. They were popular at the dawn of the Internet. I remember the first one I got was a “Can you find what's wrong with this picture?” that was sent in an email by a friend. A good ten seconds in I got a face full of a weird monster and an earful of screams. I think this is why maybe Horror thinks loud noises are scary.
The screamer that was sent to Gigler was then back traced by one of the programmers to a kidnapped girl and the evil spirit of the man thought to be Jack the Ripper. I am not kidding. The filmmakers use the story of Francis Tumblety, a doctor who is rumored to be Ol' Jack. His story is fascinating, I highly recommend Googling it. The Scooby Gang of millennials get an address and, of course, they go. They stay with hacker girl's cousin and she goes with them to film. They meet Francis the Screaming Ghost. Everybody dies.
#Screamers was good when it was all about Francis Tumblety. When it was about the whiny, annoying, website people, I wanted to take a nap. Nothing they did was entertaining. They felt like filler. You could have made this into a short and it would have been more enjoyable.
That's about it. It was a terrible story. It had terrible actors. Don't waste your time or money
Robin Thompson, HMS
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