Axeman At Cutter's Creek
by Joston Theney
Horror films are often of the "Love them or hate them" variety. Heated discussions are regularly perpetrated online between people who call a movie 'brilliant' and others calling the same thing 'pretentious garbage'. This is all good because horror movies, more than any other genre, shouldn't be safe. They should set themselves apart from the cookie cutter formulas and elicit strong reactions. Unfortunately, "Axeman" doesn't seem destined for hotheads screaming in all caps their love/hate for it. In the end, it falls into forgettable territory. It's not an awful film, it's not even bad, really. It has some genuine moments of goodness but even a snickers bar with flies instead of peanuts isn't something that you wanna revisit. Even with the nougat still perfectly intact!
"Axeman" tells a story that we've already seen a few hundred times before. One of the main reasons I wanted to delve into this particular "Midnight Releasing" is because I saw that Tiffany Shepis got top billing. I love Tiffany Shepis. She's awesome and I'm sure there is a legion of Troma fans that will happily high five me for saying that. You know, the ones who aren't too cool to high five while being over twenty. Unfortunately, her role is limited to a cameo amount of screen time. Mainly just to do that classic slasher film "opener". The type that introduces us to the story by having a group of thieves who recently had a big score getting attacked by the title "Axeman". Usually the opening to a horror film either gives us just a little taste, or hits us right away so we can get excited for what will come next. Unfortunately, this film's beginning does neither. It shows us what to expect, but it isn't overly impressive and doesn't really get much better as the movie progresses. Shepis is fantastic in the little role she does have, but her five minutes of presence isn't enough to make up for the other eighty minutes or so.
The main story surrounds a (shocker) group of friends heading out to a house in the woods. I could get super in to the detail about each character specifically but the film doesn't build upon individual personalities so doing so seems trivial. There's the ex-best friends fighting over the same guy that only one of them is currently dating. There's the slutty girl and the somewhat awkward guy that set out to be this film's "Sam and Diane" so to speak. There's the fat idiot who serves as the "comic relief". There is a lesbian couple that, while being more likable than the other characters overall, come across like the director had just heard that lesbians exist and wrote an entire subplot around the hour he spent surfing the web about them.
It gets to the whole "didn't you guys hear about the legend?" cliché quite early on and from there things begin to get dull. The movie acts like it wanted to be a relationship drama but was forced into being a horror film to keep its parents happy. All the characters display some kind of by-the-book relationship drama and things go about exactly how you'd expect them to. None of the characters are especially likable and one or two of the (slightly) more entertaining ones are quickly made expendable. There really is no plot other than the basic setup and about seventy percent of the movie is focused on tedious dialogue that has nothing to do with the "Axeman" element.
When Axeman finally does get his time to shine, he doesn't really do so all that brightly. The actor is intimidating enough (read: huge) and I found it interesting that they didn't bother with giving him a mask. This should have given him a realistic edge, like the killer in 'High Tension' but his actions are so basic that it just looks like dailies of the latest "Halloween" and the stand-in 'shape' for Michael Myers forgot to slip his Shatner mask on.
The film just sort of trudges along, trying to find a place to curl up and die. Everything seems so basic and formulaic that you can't help but wonder if you got tricked into watching a bunch of scenes hacked from other movies spliced together. None of the relationship dramas (that takes up the bulk of the film) are overly interesting and don't try to make themselves unique in any way. Towards the end, there is some legitimately good heartfelt material surrounding the death of one of the characters. Out of context, this part is downright impressive. But without any other aspect of the film supporting the more emotional stuff, none of it really means anything. All we're doing is watching a bunch of blank characters meeting their maker in uninspired ways from a large brute.
In the end, I simply don't feel that anyone involved with "Axeman" particularly cared about the project. I respect a film that goes for the gusto and just fails, but this one just seems bored. It's not laughably bad (which may have actually helped) but stunted. It tries to throw in little bits of comedy to keep things festive, but is overall unable to keep things out of droll-country. This is not a movie that I warn people to steer clear of, but it also has no real qualities that I feel any sort of real passion relaying. It is destined to remain another film with wasted talent, peering around the corner of the bargain bin. It's not the worst movie ever made, but manages to make things harder on itself by simply being unmemorable.
The movie could have set itself apart by sticking around a little more in the realism department. The little things I do like about it should have been more representational over the film itself. If it had expanded the killer more, gave him more of a real-life feel, and gave the characters unique characteristics, it could have been a pretty nifty little flick. One that leaves the right bad taste in your mouth and makes you truly cringe for the characters. Instead we're given little more than whiny characters trying to get you to punch them and a killer who is nothing more than a tall killing machine. I have nothing against killers that lack concrete motivation, but "Axeman" puts forth zero effort in exploring him and making him interesting.
PJ Griffin, HMS