All Cheerleaders Die
by Lucky Mckee and Chris Sivertson
Cheerleaders are probably some of the most heavily stereotyped cliques in media. In movies, like Bring It On, cheerleaders are portrayed as catty, snobby, and for a lack of a better word, bitches. They are downright mean and they are out to make the lives of everyone around them miserable. This is especially true in horror movies. Horror films rely heavily on stereotypes across all social groups. I feel like their treatment of cheerleaders is particularly harsh. Perhaps horror filmmakers were treated especially poorly by cheerleaders, perhaps not. Stereotypes exist for the sole purpose of letting the viewer feel as if they already know a character without any actual character development. My two sisters were cheerleaders and many of their friends were too, and they were never as mean and rude as they are portrayed in horror movies. I don't think I need to say it any further, but movies about snobby cheerleaders annoy me. So, it's no surprise that I didn't exactly enjoy All Cheerleaders Die.
The death of the head cheerleader Alexis sets off the events of the movie. Alexis met her fate while demonstrating a dangerous stunt on camera. Maddy, Alexis' friend, decides to try out for the cheer team shortly after. Maddy's Wiccan ex-girlfriend, Leena, gets jealous seeing Maddy joining a new clique. One night, Maddy seduces one of the other cheerleaders, Tracy. Tracy was dating Terry, Maddy's true intentions are revealed. She is trying to get vengeance on Terry for raping her. Tracy, upset with her boyfriend, issues a personal attack against Terry and he strikes her. The cheerleaders threaten Terry with that information. The girls attempt to make a getaway but Terry can't let his image get tarnished, so he runs them off the road. The football players flee the scene leaving the cheerleaders for dead. Leena witnesses the events and tries to save the girls. However she is too late, but her magical crystals begin to glow and attach themselves to each of the girls. They are all brought back to life. Mostly normal, except for the fact that the sisters Martha and Hanna have switched bodies, oh, and the girls have a newly awakened hunger for flesh and vengeance.
My next biggest qualm is that this movie kind of feels like a lifetime movie. It has that whole, "men are evil and they will hurt you", vibe. Pretty much all the guys are devoid of personality and evil for no other reason than being male. Even the nice guy is made out to be a bad guy when he accidentally bangs the wrong girl mistaking her for his girlfriend, even though she switched bodies with her sister. This further supports the fact that this movie has no real character development. Basically all men are evil and all cheerleaders are misunderstood catty bitches.
All Cheerleaders Die hits another one of my pet peeves. It's too presumptuous, most movies do well and then a sequel is announced. Generally, if filmmakers plan on doing sequels at some point, the creators still manage to create one self-contained story and maybe do some planning for a sequel. The key is not to leave a cliff hanger because the viewer doesn't get a completed product. You run the risk of flopping and having an unfinished product. I had the same problem withAutomaton Transfusion and Cell Count. I hate cliffhangers, I hate them, I hate them, and I hate them. When was that intended sequel for Automaton Transfusion released? Oh wait it still hasn't been, it has a projected released date in 2015 but when did that movie come out? 2006! That's nine years, a nine year cliffhanger. After nine years no one is going to care anymore. That's the risk you run when you leave off on a cliffhanger, especially in what's intended to be the launch title of a series.
I think what threw me off about this entire movie was that I misunderstood what the movie was supposed to be about. I thought it was going to be some sort of Final Destination but for cheerleaders. That actually seemed kind of interesting. Alas, I get zombie cheerleaders. That reminds, I've also spent most of this review trying to figure out what this movie actually reminded me of and I finally figured it out, Zombie Nation. Similar concept: guy kills girls, they come back as zombies to seek vengeance. I ranted enough about how terribly this movie stereotypes, so I'm not going down that road again, but I hated the portrayal of Wiccans in the film too.
Interestingly enough, All Cheerleaders Die is a remake of a student film of the same name both by Lucky McKee and Chris Sivertson. It's a shame because I haven't seen much by Lucky McKee but I loved his film May and his acting in Roman. Chris Sivertson on the other hand was behind that abomination I Know Who KilledMe. I honestly think that maybe Sivertson brought McKee down. I can't say that as a fact. I read about their student film for this review and it seems far more interesting. It's a damn shame, because I actually want to go watch the original now. I guess I have the remake to thank for that. I actually haven't thought about May in some time, I really loved that movie. I think that I'll go watch that again as a palette cleanser, oh and maybe Roman. I think a double feature is in the works for now.
Billy Wayne Martin, HMS